Moisturize This, and Everything Else!

Honestly, is there even enough moisturizer in the world to fix this dryness?

When you were younger and got told about the facts of life, whether it was in your elementary school bathroom, in your mom’s bedroom or the nurses office, did anyone ever even mention that when you got past 45 your skin could begin to shrivel and dry like a Turkish apricot? Did anyone ever suggest that you might begin to slowly turn to dust, leave a small trail behind and eventually vaporize?

NO? Well then how about during your high school or college sex education and health class?

They certainly covered abstinence, intercourse, menstruation, the joys of pregnancy, condoms, and in graphic detail, every symptom of the most current high-profile STD’s. I guess those must be the bling highlights in our life cycle and anything else was to be discussed at a later date.

Yet, this later date, when is it exactly?

The next major life “chat about” us ladies seem to have, is how to get one, what to do with one and what to do because of one. I mean the “KID”, not the partner. It is an extremely important series of girl meet & greets, because we need to plan the kid’s future, from inception, the proper type of “caring for baby” equipment, the pre-preschool, and the most effective sports and social activities that will help drop kick the kid into Yale, Harvard, Stanford or a few other different tier options.

Special Note: bribing and cheating to get into college is apparently no longer allowed.

Many LA Moms, right after childbirth, start planning when to hit the gym. Some even consider when they should book that tummy tuck and breast work to repair the pregnancy stretch out damage. So, just before and during pregnancy there is some talk about moisturizing one’s baby belly to attempt to prevent stretch marks. Good luck with that BTW.

The next thing we begin to hear and talk about is perimenopause. We read stuff and talk to our gal pac. Most of us recognize the main symptoms list, which includes mood changes, hair loss, menstrual cycle changes and the most dreaded of all, the hot flash which is like a plague cursed upon one for quite a few years.

We all got that.

What we did not get was a heart to heart convo about the subsequent loss of collagen and moisture. If there was any discussion, it primarily focused on our downtown region, which we then learn is drying from loss of estrogen. Ladies, we have yam cream for that. I strongly suggest…a prescription version is best. Do not think you can save thirty dollars, boil down and mash some organic yams into paste and apply.

I know that Lily Tomlin tried it as a business model in the “Grace and Frankie” Netflix series, but it really doesn’t help much. Plus, it is very, very, messy. You think Monistat is messy.

Try some orange yams smooshed in your undies. If you have any fears that sex was sliding off your list of fun, yams in your pants will probably assure that.

However, let me get back to the harshness of dryness and the rest of our skin.

Dryness does gets honorably mentioned in discussions about menopause, but basically, as more of a side note, in tiny writing and spoken ever so softly. Dryness gets mentioned like one of those deeply buried speed warnings on audio drug commercials.

As a result, absolutely nothing prepared me for the level of dryness that would befall me after 55, everywhere. Even, if it is not deep desert dry, parts just begin to look dry, like old school crepe paper party streamers or turkey jerky.

What after full disclosure, is a girl to do?

Moisturize. Moisturize. Moisturize.

Inside and Out.

Try the following:

• Drink flax seed oil. (preferably in your smoothies because it has a built-in gag reflex)

• Take Collagen Supplements, Powders, Gelatins (gelatin, if you don’t like horses)

• Apply Moisturizer within 2-3 minutes of showering while skin is still slightly moist.

• Shower in Water that is Not Hot. (hot abuses your skin, just like it does your clothes)

• Drink Lots of Water!! (added bonus of making you visit a bathroom, every 20 minutes) Added Note to self: stay off the freeway when in LA.

Be sure to do all of the above, zealously and religiously.

After a few months, you will realize that they are pretty much all placebos. Still, keep doing them because we need to feel proactive, until they build that tank of hyaluronic serum or glycolic acid to dip us in.

FYI. All moisturizers are not created equal. Just because you pay more does not often mean you get more. Some creams are humectants and some are barrier creams. You need the humectants to mock moisture and the other to hold it in. There are also lotions and serums to help build skin collagen, so they say. Lots are out there for our faces. The rest of our bodies will require moisture too: scalp, cuticles, arms, legs, thighs, stomach, neck and downtown.

Do be careful with fragrance on certain areas. For some, it is an irritant. me and Miami Sister, love Josie Maran Whipped Argan Oil Body Butter. It leaves my body with a sheen and soft gleam. After all, glowing skin fakes youthful essence. Kind of.

I personally stay away from sparkle and glitter lotions, ala Vegas showgirl, but some ladies are braver than me and they just wanna have fun.

The take away from this is that no one mentioned in my early years that I would need a small savings plan in place, for moisturizing skin care in my later years. No one said a darn thing about what was ahead in this beauty of aging.

Age gracefully, my dry behind!

Fellow crypt keepers, I urge you to tell your daughters and all their friends.

Warn them. (use your big voice)

The Great Dryness is Ahead.

Moisturizer required. Lots of it. All kinds, Everywhere.

They should hear it from us. It’s the right thing to do.

Moisturize this and everything else too. Everyday single darn day!

Note: Gentlemen and chubby hubbies, are not excluded. They actually parallel us with their bi-polar man-o-pause and doughy dad bods. Me, though, I mostly care about my sisterhood of the dry skin. However, if you gents are open to listening (and I give that a slim to none chance) perhaps some trusted gal pal of yours, might give you a few pointers. Just ask.