Sugar is Not the Boss of Me!

This is the time of the year people tend to reflect on their past year’s challenges and in doing so inevitably vow to do some things differently.

Many of us pledge that we will take better care of ourselves: lose those few pounds, eat healthier, exercise, schedule that overdue colonoscopy. Some agree to create a realistic home budget, cut out the gouging cable company, get Netflix, and finally build up some money in that shrinking 401K. A few bold parties will declare to Marie Kondo all their useless things that no longer serve them, to find joy by starting a project that takes most of the year, lots of heavy duty trash bags and a medium sized U-Haul.

I have done all of the above. Some became a way of life and some were a big fat fail. For those of you who don’t know me, I can organize anyplace into perfection but the monthly budget is my nemesis.

That is why, this year I decided to purge the demon known as “SUGAR” from my temple of a body. Like many of us, I have known that Sugar derails a person’s best of intentions in many eating plans. Also, that processed, chemically refined and non-organic stuff can be bad for you. Most of us agree that Sugar is nothing but useless empty calories, even if it is the most fun food group.

Besides all that, and after seeing some "scare the crap out of you" documentaries, I am now convinced that Sugar is much more toxic than we were lead to believe. Did you know that Sugar actually feeds cancer cells and makes them grow? Sugar’s fructose molecule caramelizes within and ages your body and organs. It lodges in your liver, your detoxifying organ, and eventually, with enough excess, causes a life threatening fatty liver. Sugar is as highly addictive as nicotine. Sugar is our leading cause of Type 2 Diabetes and obesity, in both adults and children.

In light of such information, I decided that something that was so enticingly addictive, was no longer going to be the boss of me. After all, I am an empowered woman. I am my own boss.

That and my never-ending need to prove myself right, compelled me to start on a 100% sugar detox right away.

So, four (4) weeks ago, I did just that.

I can now say, with certainty and a flash back experience, Face Book buddies and friends, that detoxing off of Sugar is a real BITCH. Not the kind of body writhing, fever and cramp inducing detox that one might get off alcohol or drugs. Those are a level up. Not that kind of bitch, but the kind that makes you say and do desperate things, completely out of character.

First of all, I have learned from past attempts that I cannot be trusted when the times get tough, to keep my integrity, if there is any sugar in the house. This is not my first rodeo with Sugar. This time I knew I had to totally clear the space, to painfully purge the entirety of our home, as is recommended in detox directives.

Every label of every jar, box or package was to be investigated and any ingredient removed that had sugar or any of sugar's sisters within and removed from the premises. Fruit too.

And yes, I am that kind of committed, 100 %, “all or nothing” girl.

My honey, as you might imagine, was thrilled while watching me do this, on his one relaxing Saturday in weeks. He was so supportive as I held my extra-large magnifying glass up to all the fine print labels, reading them aloud, and subsequently hurling items into the trash. He rolled his eyes in sympathetic disbelief at my gasps when I discovered that sugar was the second ingredient in my expensive organic free-range turkey bouillon that I used in heavy rotation for paleo meals.

Ladies, you too would have been in awe, if you had seen the actual tears of joy on my husband’s face, as I told him how appreciative I was that he was going on my detox journey with me.

I think he said something like, “Yeah, well there’s lots of sugar at work, so I'll get it there!”

He never fails to make me laugh.

The Actual Detox.

Week One

I am not going to sugar coat this. It was a challenge for me. Miami sister knew. She demanded I tell her the day before starting, as she informed me that she would not be calling me for at least a week. When I attempted this before, she said, it got ugly. Ugly like those mean girl antics, the kind that go on in high school and apparently politics. I believe what she meant was that I had gotten a little prickly, over sensitive, or snappy. Certainly nothing to the level of full on exorcist.

I can admit it now. She was right. I was feeling frayed around the edges, agitated and irritated, slightly more short-tempered than usual in my life’s daily activities, but most of those people were ass hats anyway.

You see, I had already been eating clean, lots of non-processed whole real organic foods. However, before the Sugar detox, once in a while or maybe every night,

I would have a small portion of chocolate or something sweet. It is a girl’s right after all. A food reward for a day well done. That and a glass or two of wine or a whiskey on the rocks. Of course, Saturday was “Cheat Day”, so no reason to turn down that perfect blueberry muffin from my favorite bakery.

Am I right?

Now, all these momentary mouth joys were gone.

Ugh. Depression and inner conflict about the meaning of life sets in.

Week Two

During week two, I began to realize the severity of the effects of my sugarless condition.

It’s surprising the creative measures a person will attempt when trying to find sugar in a purged home. Sure, I had fortitude when out in the real world. I could refuse anything.

Purpose driven, I could jog by all the free samples at the Costco buffet. I had balls of steel when in the company of others and face to face with a restaurant dessert tray. When night came, when I was alone and had lost my routine of my TV sweet food pleasure, my alter came out. I think I saw glowing eyes in the mirror.

This time I just had to white knuckle, tantrum it out. A few nights, I would take my favorite headache remedy and go to bed early so I could make it all go away, at least until tomorrow.

BTW, herbal tea does not cut it! It is not like the English portray, that a “cuppa tea” fixes all things. It does not. It does not curb sugar cravings nor does zero calorie, sparkling water, even the peach flavor. Nothing puts a band aid on it. Nothing.

Speaking of desperation, and I am not proud about this, but during an earlier go at this kind of detox, I found that once I start sweating and breaking pencils, I got creative. Did you know that a spoonful of peanut butter, dipped into ancient chocolate sprinkles, or chocolate chips that are so old they are mostly white, will dup as a peanut butter cup? Or that a spoonful of peanut butter also goes well dipped in any jam? In a pinch, one can chug on a bottle of maple syrup, for few swigs at least. All baked goods can be eaten frozen, cookie dough is best uncooked,

Whipped cream is awesome directly sprayed into one’s mouth. Even toxic red dye maraschino cherries, dried up raisins in those baby boxes you try to pass off to pre-school kids as a healthy snack, and stale hard marshmallows are all sirens to the call.

Even though all the sugar had been purged, I was still on the hunt. Surely, I must have missed something. Mentos. Tic Tac. Old Gum. Chocolate covered ants. I finally found a large jar of 100% organic raw cocao wafers. I think they cost a small fortune, were made during Aztec ceremonial practices or fair trade and had absolutely no sugar. No stevia either, because I just hate that stuff. No sweetener of any kind. Perhaps they were originally intended for baking.

My point is they were pure real chocolate! A girl’s BFF. Ah, sweet mystery of life, I have found you!

It was worth a taste. Right? I’m an adventurer. Well, I did and “VERY YUCK” actually.

Chalky, gritty, and superbly bitter, but not in a good way. Who eats this stuff? So, I tried it again the next four nights and you know, I agreed to accept them as a treat, if I chewed really fast.

Week Three

Exactly like week two.

Week Four

Eventually, with lots of shredded fingernails, dancing to head slamming Sid Vicious and therapy yells, I beat the toxic mistress. I am now cleansed.

It was painful. For other’s too. Angels did not sing.

I do feel more energetic, my stamina more even.

I know, people say that about many things and mostly it is all bull poop, but I don’t notice the hills and valleys of fatigue that come with ingesting sugar. Just from bad late-night TV.

I don’t feel the constant cravings of the witch calling me.

Conclusion

I will not say that I won’t eat or drink sugar again. I love my party drinks, my dark chocolate and the occasional Blue Star cinnamon donut but I will say that I have realized the true addictive nature and harsh effects of sugar and will no longer let sugar be the boss of me. We respect each other now. I will say when we bond and only if I decide it is worth the toxic trade.

Therefore, most wedding cake is a no. However, I might still be romanced by a gorgeous brownie.

The truth is that I am not a concrete pillar of strength all the time, even when I know what is best for me. Life Lesson # 1278.

And just in case you want to cut your Sugars down,

beware that Sugar is very, very sneaky and has many alias’s.

Here are a few lesser known ones to watch for:

*Diatase

*Maltodextrin

* Fructose

*Glucose

*Maltose

*Dextran

*Ethymaltol

*Lactose

*Sucrose

*Fruit juice Concentrate

*Barley Malt

*Sorghum Syrup

Next, a few words about Alcohol Sugars.

Well, you can be fairly certain that is NEVER going to happen!