Shopping Shark

So Mr. Husband recently called me a "Shopping Shark". As I absorbed his words, I was momentarily filled with a level of pride and I leaned back on our couch with my head held slightly higher. I assumed he meant I was a really good bargain hunter, one who always checks the sales and is acutely attentive to discounts, rewards and perks.

However, NO. This is not at all what he meant.

He elaborated quickly and clearly, by stating that I was specifically like a shark because a shark must always keep moving or die and he determined that I must always keep shopping or probably die. Say What? Now deeply offended, I pondered on his take on this and began to wonder if he might be onto something.

Now, don't get the idea that I am a shopping addict or that I am some kind of easy life shopping diva. Not at all. However, I am petite. Let me repeat that in my "outdoor voice".

I AM PETITE! This factors in greatly because so many stores have stopped carrying petite fashion in house. If they have not eliminated this section they have something that resembles a mere suggestion of petite items. Of course, most sales persons are extremely accommodating and will offer to order and ship it to me in what they guess is my correct size, Free of Charge.

BTW. most petite shopping is all online today which means I have no point of reference except some photo of a 5'11' toothpick model wearing my perfect dress and a sizing chart that is rarely accurate. Not only are there different statistic's for various manufacturers but there is also the margin of error in the actual garment production which applies to most companies, not just for items labeled "Made in China". I often order two different sizes or two of the same size of something hoping to get one reasonable item pick. Needless to say the return rate is rather high and I keep hoping Nordstrom does not put my card on hold with a picture of me on the internet as a serial returner.

The boxes and soft wrap bags from UPS, USPS, Fed EX and ON TRAC, they come and they go. I have a kind of a revolving door policy here and my USPS man feels used and abused and is threatening to quit. I bribe him with cookies and gifts.

I have a shopping plan of action. I put items I am searching for in a rotation schedule. I give swim wear and lingerie a few weeks, buy and return. Then onto jeans for a few weeks, maybe a month, because those are extremely specific and I have narrow hips. Buy and Return (new, unused with the tags still on ...people) I switch to dresses, come early spring, as I will need a few of those for the sweltering LA summers. Right about July, I start investigating cooler weather garb. Then, there is the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale when you better be online ready because if you hesitate for even a second, Petites and pretty much everything good is OUT OF STOCK. Blame the fashion bloggers.

So, perhaps Mr. Husband is more than accurate in his assessment. I probably do qualify as a full blown cold water "Shopping Shark" always shopping for the next thing. Always buying and returning, always searching, but I firmly believe that I will not die or even fall ill as a shark would if it stops swimming. No, I would not die if I was to stop shopping. Not At All.......I will just be NAKED!