Cool Glide 1064 YAG Laser

Yes, Mistress. May I have another?

I weight train, five times a week. Not the easy kind. The kind where you use weighted squat bars and deadlifts. I am trying to keep my over fifty buttocks in the general buttocks area. I don’t want my cheeks hanging like Sponge Bob Square Pants. The practice is helpful, but side effects exist. Some of my leg capillaries and their friends, voted to call it quits. They decided they would turn blue and red in defiance behind my knees, around my calf and generally anywhere I might want to show some skin. Even though midi dresses are my best friend, I decided it was a great idea to take advantage of a summer special at my local dermatologist’ s office. Three Cool Glide 1064 YAG Laser treatments to effectively remove leg veins and capillaries in a less painful way than saline injections and for a reasonable price. My lucky day!

For those of you who have done this already…you can stop laughing now. The rest of you, listen and learn.

For my first session, I lie on a white zen style futon table. The lights are gentle and soft.

The nurse arrives and turns on the laser machine. While it warms, we catch up and gossip about which celeb has the worst cheek and lip filler these days. She mentions this might sting a bit but I’m feeling confident because I have had a few facial IPLs before and one time I even tried lip filler. She begins on the top of my knee, hits the area in the same spot multiple times with the laser. Whoa! Hot! HOT! A blazing intense stinging pain overwhelms my senses. She blows what is supposed to be cool air with a hose, on that same area. It is not. I quickly discover this is going to require a towel, to bite down on. It is beyond an elastic band snap. It is much more like the laser version of water boarding. Matter of fact, skip the waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay and try this instead in treason class. It isn’t long before I start jabbering senselessly. I begin calling my nurse “Mistress”. How long is this session exactly? 20 minutes!

Now 4 weeks out…wow…I see the benefit. Sure, I still have a few bruises. I still have some determined capillaries but I also have a more even skin tone on both legs. Yes, I am genetically gifted to almost be the color of snow, but now I look more like clean snow without so many blue pen marks.

Two more treatments to go, baby! Just like Catherine Zeta Jones said in some movie, “Small price to pay for such savage kicks!” except she was breaking in a pair of Prada boots from Milan. Pussy.

So, if you want to try this YAG laser treatment for more flawless legs, go get yourself a towel for biting, maybe a valium or two and suck it up. No whining! Just say, “Yes, Mistress, may I have another? ”